How Do You Explain Polyamory To Someone Who's Monogamous?
It's not about how many relationships you're in. It's about the relationship you have with yourself.
I actually don’t think polyamory has anything to do with how many people you’re dating. I think it’s more about the relationship you have with yourself and whether or not you’re being honest with yourself about your needs and wants.
In general, I don’t think monogamy is really about that- sometimes monogamy is about explicitly lying to both yourself and your partner so they won’t leave you.
Monogamy is frequently rooted in scarcity and fear as opposed to abundance and hope. Hope that the other person or people can accept you for who and what you are even if you inevitably hurt them. Because that part is inevitable- you will inevitably hurt each other if you’re in a relationship with someone. It’s not personal- it’s just what happens when stars collide.
But yeah, usually, people think polyamory is about how many people you’re dating and how much sex you’re having but it’s really not about that. You can be single and celibate and polyamorous at the same time. And some poly people (I’m talking about myself here) identify as solo poly which basically means we’re always single even when we’re in a relationship with another person because our primary relationship, no matter who we’re dating, is with ourselves.
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Jessamyn Stanley is the author of Yoke and Every Body Yoga,
limited signed copies are available here. You can find unsigned copies on Amazon, Bookshop, and published in German here.
There are two types of people who don’t like polyamory.
They just don’t get it. They can’t wrap their head around the concept.
They don’t want to try. “I’m too much of a jealous person”.
The first may never get it, and that’s okay.
The second need to stop hiding behind their fears. You don’t need to be poly to benefit from that.